I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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