i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
