let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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