he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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