just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
