NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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