i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize