he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
50% drunk capacity currently
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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