haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
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