My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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