I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize