dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
