Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
