Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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