Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
