You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
