i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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