She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
His hands were made for my vagina.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
