Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
