he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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