You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
