If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
