Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
