ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
