The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
