he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
you told grandpa to call you daddy
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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