I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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