He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
