i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
