Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
