he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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