The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
