next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
