i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I would ride that face into the sunset
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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