taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
