it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
It was confusing and full of hummus
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
