I wish my penis had an off switch
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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