you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
