We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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