my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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