The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
