i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
