i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
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