How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
