how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
