I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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