Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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