I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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