Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
