i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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