I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
