dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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