I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
