the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
