just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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