i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
