if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
