i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
