Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
