I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
