I want to walk on stilts...naked
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just blew my weed a kiss
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
