and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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