I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
