ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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