no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
