i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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