does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize