Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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