One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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