spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
