Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize