I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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