I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
