there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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