You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
