i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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