we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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