she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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