Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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