Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
