Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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