even my farts smell like vagina
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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