i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
