can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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