So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize