Where is the hickey?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
