Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
