i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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