my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
