im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
