How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
