where am i from again
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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