so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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